GUS and The Cubby Embargo – A Parable

A short time ago, in a place not far from here, two neighbors lived in a quiet cul de sac called The New World.

GUS had a big house with a large yard and beautiful white-picket fence.

Cubby lived right next door in a tiny (by comparison) house with the most beautiful small gardens you ever saw.

GUS was big, good looking guy, muscle bound and sporty.  He wore athletic shoes, a football helmet and a white t-shirt with a large number “1” in red and black. 

Cubby was a small guy with a big smile and a beard.   He wore a white Guayabera with four big pockets on the front side in case he ever needed to carry fruit for his family.

GUS didn’t like Cubby, but he loved the little house.  “A perfect getaway spot,” he wrote in his diary, “a different world a mere step away!”  GUS tried, several times, to buy Cubby’s house, but Cubby wouldn’t sell.  “My parents built this house,” he explained.

GUS didn’t care who built it, it was his destino manifesto that the house one day be his.

Cubby didn’t trust GUS, but there was nothing he could do; you don’t always get the neighbors you deserve.

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One day GUS decided to store some military materials in Cubby’s yard, and there was no way to change his mind. The small corner of Cubby’s property known as Guantanamo became GUS’ new impromptu storage space.

Cubby complained. “You have more than enough space in your own house for this junk,” he said.

But GUS just changed the subject, thinking that since the place was to be his eventually (remember his destino manifesto) he might as well start bringing his junk right now, and some of this military stuff was just too dangerous to keep near his own children.

 “Because we’re neighbors,” said GUS with a king’s confidence, “what happens in your house has very direct consequences on my property.  I’ve noticed that you haven’t kept up with all the latest gadgets of the digital revolution, and that’s a crime.  Your family is entitled to digital cable, a T1 internet connection for each computer in the house… and at least one high definition screen in each room.”

“What I do in my house is my own business…” said Cubby. “You have no right to make demands.”

But GUS was convinced that anything within his immediate reach was his business, since he was the biggest guy and owned the largest property and his ideas were so obviously clear and logical.

GUS insisted, but Cubby resisted.

One day GUS began to take a more aggressive role in Cubby’s household.  GUS announced to everyone on the block that from now on, until Cubby learned to change his ancient ideas, nobody in the block would be allowed to visit Cubby on weekends.

Most of the other neighbors didn’t like GUS’ aggressive and judgmental attitude.  After all, most of them didn’t have digital cable or T1 internet connections themselves.  Some even pointed out that many rooms in GUS’ house had no digital access at all. But what could they do?  GUS was bigger and stronger than all of them… and not a good listener.

Reluctantly, the neighbors stayed away from Cubby’s place on weekends.

Years went by. And nothing changed.

GUS kept insisting and Cubby kept resisting.

Eventually GUS decided to turn up the heat.  He told everyone that as of today, and until he could verify that everyone in Cubby’s house had access to a T1 line and a subscription to Netflix, no food delivery of any kind would be allowed to his neighbor’s home.  He alerted the local markets and restaurants that if they sold to Cubby, they would lose his business.  And he added expensive look-out-posts at strategic places around Cubby’s property.

After so much effort and expense, GUS expanded the list of banned items, adding random articles such as medicine, school books, DVDs from HBO and Vertigo comics.

Some of the neighbors were clearly upset to hear this selfish proclamation by the big guy on the block, and they couldn’t understand the logic of hurting children in order to control their adults.  They told Cubby to hang in there… that GUS would come to his senses sooner or later, perhaps someone in his own family would point out the error of his ways. 

Of course, that didn’t happen.  What actually happened was that GUS kept insisting and Cubby kept resisting.

Most of GUS’ family was too involved in their individual pursuits to have a clear understanding of what he was doing.  The ones that spoke to GUS about his behavior towards the small neighbor were rudely called “communists,” and “anti-GUS-ites,” and some were even threatened with physical violence. Given GUS’ proclivity for violence, they backed off.

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Two decades went by.

In time GUS discovered that most of the neighbors, and many in his own house, were secretly helping Cubby by sneaking in food, medicine and the whole line of Vertigo comics.  There was, in fact, a whole industry based on travel and communications designed to work behind his back.

GUS was outraged and decided to raise the stakes. He established laws (by unanimous Head of the House/With Me or Against Me vote) stating that anyone in the neighborhood who helped Cubby was, by definition an enemy of GUS, and would be dealt with harshly. 

The neighbors were outraged, but fearful that this extraterritoriality was an excuse to bring out the many new state-of-the-art weapons GUS had been collecting over the years and which he’d shown a willingness to use.  Some of them thought it best to protect their own families by complying with GUS.  Others decided that this illegal law had crossed a line, that it would be worse for everyone, in the long run, to follow such a cruel agenda.

Two more decades went by.   

Cubby’s growing family was annoyed by the continuing embargo.  Some moved away, creating rifts in the family.  Others stayed but argued that it would be easier to do whatever GUS wanted.  And yet others claimed that standing up against bullies was everyone’s responsibility. 

For 22 straight years, official delegations from the neighborhood tried to speak with GUS, but he would not listen. 

Churches declared that GUS’ tactics were cruel and unusual, but he would not listen. 

Business professionals argued that the embargo was bad for business.

Children in the GUS household spoke about how much fun it would be to play with Cubby’s children. And still GUS would not listen.

“It’s the law of the land,” he said, obviously not caring about anyone else’s opinion.

The neighborhood was quiet and somber for another decade, but things were happening beneath the surface.  Awareness was spread, ideas were traded and plans were made.  It would take a great war, or a major sacrifice, to knock sense into GUS, if that was even possible.

The one thing nobody expected, least of all GUS, was the initiative undertaken by his proud son, Allamer.  One morning, before the sun had opened its eyes, Allamer snuck into GUS’ bedroom and chained him to a post on the floor. And that’s all it took.

Later that morning Allamer lifted the embargo. In a great speech he claimed that his family was not one to starve other families or play sullied cold-war tricks in order to obtain property… that it was now his responsibility to find a way to re-channel GUS’ outdated aggressions and think about the future.

Within minutes everyone had seen the speech on CNN or heard about it via email and there was a giant block party that lasted for days.  Everyone came to Cubby’s house.  It had been years since many of them had been there and they were surprised by how much it had changed. Some had not heard of the medical breakthroughs and the evolved ideas for faming co-ops and local clinics.

Cubby’s kitchen couldn’t put out chicharrones and tostones fast enough… and the music could be heard all the way to Argentina.

A good time and a new day were had by all, and they lived happily ever after.